I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
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