I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
It's Friday. Sex?
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
