her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Randomize
