My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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