I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
