Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
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