can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
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