even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
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