South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
