I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
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