He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
