Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
im six kinds of drunk right now
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Randomize
