Just mADE A PArabola og urine
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
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