if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Randomize
