I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
I have fence marks all over my body
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Randomize
