My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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