I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Randomize
