Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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