I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Randomize
