I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
