There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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