i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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