trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
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