I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
Randomize
