So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
