I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
