Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
Say something about gay babies.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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