i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
