Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
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