Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
Randomize
