There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
