Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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