It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
