every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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