dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
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