oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
