pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Randomize
