is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
