it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
