he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
