have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
