i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
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