Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
