I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
