She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
