and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
Randomize
