so that wasnt chicken after all
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
