I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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