remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Randomize
