i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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